TWW Blog

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blog. Putting the wackiness back in Wrong Way. Let the hijinks ensue...

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

I think I found the Holy Freakin' Grail!!!

Back pain sucks. My back hurt a lot last year. And I know I wasn't the only one out there. But I stumbled across this in the back of a fitness magazine (not sure how I actually saw it considering it was next to one of those Liberator Bedroom Adventure Gear ads - that stuff looks like it has some potential...)

Sorry, back to the Holy Grail. Here is their tip for helping with back pain. So far it has helped me tremendously. What I'm worried about is that I won't have an excuse for being so slow this year... crap.

Lower-back pain can usually be traced directly to the hip flexors - the muscles that lift your legs out in front of you when you walk. When your hip flexors are tight (if you sit at a desk for prolonged periods of time, there's a good chance they are), your pelvis can gradually tilt forward. Over time, this can prevent the full range of movement between your hips and glutes. It also keeps your abs from properly stabilizing your torso. Either way, it's bad news, because the lower back loses its support system and becomes easy pickings for an injury-inducing accident. The remedy: Stretch the hip flexors.

Step into a lunge position with your right leg forward. Reach over your head with your left hand, then bend at your waist to your right side. Reach back with your right hand and twist to your right side. Hold the position for 20 seconds, then switch sides and repeat. Do the stretch 3-4 times on each side, 6-8 times throughout the day. After a few weeks, go straight into the stretch my quickly stepping back into the lunge and twist position. Perform 10-20 reps on each side, 1-2 times per day.

Monday, January 30, 2006

Go Big or Go Home!!!

Now that we have Moose Drool as a sponsor, seems as though people are getting pretty darn excited about it. So we had this little shindig to introduce them as our newest sponsor - hope you had a chance to make it and enjoys the suds. As y'all know, TWW doesn't cut corners when it comes to putting on a big time event - we brought in the media, Hollywood stars, go-go dancers, and big time cups. If you missed it, don't worry, we'll have some product available at some of our races. But we'll only have small cups for those events (we are however working on the go-go dancers).

Does anyone remember this?

"Hey dutch boy, why don't you wipe those crumbs from your face... it will make you more aero-dynameeque!!!"

Bonus points for: media type, store advertised, and any other quotes from the advertisement.

Sunday, January 29, 2006

Why we live in California

Just got back from a little spin on Sunday, January 29 starting at 2:30pm. Short sleeve jersey, shorts, and a vest. 60 degrees and beautiful (except for the regular headwind that seems to blow in the Trivalley area). Got home, took off the jersey and shorts and see I got some tan lines. Crazy. Of course now I've jinxed the weather and we'll see like 3 weeks straight of rain and no sun.

On a side note, almost 100% certain that I crossed paths with the great one (VB) - a quick but hearty "Hey!" to each other but that was it. I looked back but I didn't even warrant a second look. Must have thought to herself, "Who's the geek riding a road bike with the visor on his helmet?!"

Friday, January 27, 2006

Gung Hay PHat Choy!!!

Hey it's Chinese New Year this Sunday! A great reason to get out and eat (like you need a reason - although you Janners out there should think twice about your level of celebration). The beauty of Chinese New Year is that the celebration lasts for like a couple of weeks. Forget this one and done thang.

If you couldn't figure out by the image, 2006 is the Year of the Dog.

Some fun festivities will include:

Chinese New Year parade (SF)

Full Calendar of Bay Area events

Joint TWW and VB dim sum fest in Dublin?

And of course we can't forget about the Miss Chinatown pageant:

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Bona Fide Social Relationship

Connecticut Gambling Law, Sec. 53-278b. Gambling; professional gambling; penalties. (a) Any person who engages in gambling, or solicits or induces another to engage in gambling, or is present when another person or persons are engaged in gambling, shall be guilty of a class B misdemeanor; provided natural persons shall be exempt from prosecution and punishment under this subsection for any game, wager or transaction which is incidental to a bona fide social relationship, is participated in by natural persons only and in which no person is participating, directly or indirectly, in professional gambling.

So there Mr. Police Academy flunky... neener, neener.

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Innate or Environmental?

Well, one more vote towards the innate siyeed. My daughter is not quite 6 years old. She doesn't watch much TV. Is pretty good at math. She likes riding a bike and doing chores around the house. She enjoys playing in the dirt.

So explain to me how she already knows about going to the restroom with a girl friend? If we're out at dinner with friends, that is the highlight of the night. "We gotta use the bathroom again!" when normally it is, "I don't have to go... I don't want to go" when it is with a parent.

BTW - She does like Barbies and other girlie stuff. And her room and bathroom are pink. Maybe that stuff has something subliminal going on. Who knows. Another mystery that will go unsolved... Just like the Pyramids, Stonehenge, and how lamea$$ dudes get hot chicks.

Monday, January 23, 2006

New Title Sponsor for TWW!!!

*** For Immediate Release ***

In a significant deal that should alter the balance of power in the cycling world, TWW has inked a major contract with Big Sky Brewing and will promote their fab-you-luss Moose Drool.

Trinda Heaton, Sales and Events Coordinator for Big Sky Brewing Company indicated, "You can take the Ferrari and the first born but you best be stayin' away from the Krispy Kremes!!"

Matt Cerkel, TWW Sponsor Coordinator indicated, "They are a perfect fit for TWW - I once drove across several states to get their beer."

As you can see, we're not sure either of the two involved in the negotiations have it all together, but you know what? We really don't care. Should be a great partnership!

Look for Moose Drool and some suh-weet schwag at TWW events in 2006!!! Team Wrong Way - Powered by 100% Moose Drool.

Sunday, January 22, 2006

Probably Shoulda Done This

Some day I'll learn not to let a-hole drivers get to me. You think after driving 30K miles annually for the last 15 years it wouldn't be an issue. But it is. Guess it wouldn't be so bad but had child in car. Oops. But they had one too, but theirs was an infant so he/she/it couldn't understand what I/he was saying. On the other hand, I've got a parrot in the car so must remain quiet and windows rolled up. Don't have to censor myself so much here (except for the DDR meter). So to you Mr. Jacka$$-I-don't-have-to-follow-the-rules-of-the-road-and-I'm-far-superior-to-you BMW WAGON driver, fuk* off. Hope to see you again sans child.

Okay, I feel better now. Oh one last thing, what's the difference between a porcupine and a BMW? With the porcupine, the pricks are on the outside. Nyuck, nyuck. I know, old joke but what the heck*. So appropriate here.

Saturday, January 21, 2006

LSD Ride my A$$!!!

Okay, so I missed the LSD ride with the boyz and Bellaz. So I figured I'd do my own - just by myself though. Wouldn't want to show the competition just how out of shape I am.

My plan was to leave at 7am, but due to it being to dang* cold and I was too tired, the ride started at 11am. Still in the 40's though but I was ready. Had laid everything out last night. Good preparation so I could maximize my ride time. Well, the late start should've been a clue. But I had no clue so off I went.

I was going to do an out and back so about an hour out I noticed something weird happening. My a$$ seemed like it was practically on the rear wheel. Not good. Pull over, get out my handy dandy tool and fix the problem. Uh, well, kinda forgot the handy dandy tool so that was another problem. That's cool though, I'm sure I'll see another cyclist soon... A 3-hour tour...

Finally after pedaling for 45+ minutes standing up the entire time, I ran into a fellow cyclist. And he had an allen wrench! Cool. He recognized the TWW logo and said he had a co-worker who was on the team. I said, "Who?" He said, "Nick." You've got to be kidding me! What are the odds?!!!

Back to the rollers in the garage where I am safe... Oh and that performance was not anywhere even close to the studliness of Cindy Whitehead.

Fashion Faux Pas times deux

Friday, January 20, 2006

Quote o' the Day

"I need to eat my pizza before I kick some butt!!!"

- Some random 7 or 8 year old at Chuck E. Cheese

(Yes, again at Chuck E. Cheese for a birthday party. Life is getting pretty pathetic when you're quoting a 7 or 8 year old at Chuck E. Cheese)

ok... this rules:

Happy Friday!!!

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Lock up your bikes!!!

Help a fellow American who is down and out on his luck...

Well, based on his company, maybe not too much down and out on his luck. But you can get him some traffic on his blog and make a donation while you're there, as they're doing the AIDS/LifeCycle 5 ride.

Rookie-Boy's Blog

Appropriate Sign...

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Daily Extended Horoscope

You're due for some excitement in the department of relationships -- the kind that will keep you smiling for at least the next 24 hours. The individual who'll put that flush in your cheeks may also be arranging a lovely surprise for you, too -- something you'll never see coming. They'll be amply rewarded for their efforts, of course. After all if anyone can show gratitude in a charming, wonderful way, it's you.

Note the word AMPLY Ms. Dukes...

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Screw Training...

I'm gettin' this. Then I'll kick all your sorry a$$e$.

Believe it or not, this is for real. Check out the story:

Bored Propulsion Engineer

Monday, January 16, 2006

Hottie of the Month #2

Now that the image of Rochelle has been pushed so far down (down, but hardly forgotten - jiminy Christmas, how can she be forgotten?!!!), guess it's time for the next episode of Hottie of the Month.

Who is this lovely lady adorned in a nice minty sundress? The Avon lady? Brad's next? (highly unlikely since the nice girl didn't work so much for him). How about the innocent new neighbor in Desperate Housewives?

Nope, she's a serious cyclist - one who beat anorexia and has raced professionally for several years. Her results aren't too shabby to say the least.

Dotsie Cowden's Official Site

Check out that face as she attacks - yowzer, something tells me she's a bit competitive.

Sorry guys, she's now married... :( Of course, that doesn't mean we have to stop ogling her... :)

Sunday, January 15, 2006

I'm getting too old to keep doing stuff like this...

Let's see, instead of going on the LSD ride this weekend, and actually doing no exercise whatsoever (other than wrestling with nephews - you know, they don't fight fair... and the punch to the package really did not feel very good. Oh, I did think about riding Salmon Falls but I guess that would've been tough without a bike and gear), I managed to consume the following just wrong amount of fud:

2 slabs of baby back ribs
1/2 a chicken
10 tacos
some lil' smokies
couple strips of bacon
3-4 scrambled eggs
4-5 - 20 oz. Cokes
Double-double with cheese and fries too
another Coke from In-N-Out
3 bagels with cream cheese
some fruit
some grilled veggies
2 small salads
piece of cherry cobbler with ice cream
small serving of Orzo (pasta)

Holy crap I think I'm sick. Jeez, I guess I was feeling left out by our guys on the Jan Ullrich training program. Mistake. Gotta go to bed.

There may have even been a third...

look-a-like that is....

(maybe 'they' all DO look a alike!)

Friday, January 13, 2006

Hey you Dick!!!

Yes, there are bad people in cycling that do drugs and shite. Welcome to... just about every sport in the World. Don't lump every schlep into the druggy category just because they do the same sport where people have been caught taking performance enhancing drugs, okay? I guess those kids playing in Little League should be categorized in the same category as Barry Bonds and Mark McGuire, allegedly.

Enough already. I've got a headache. Anyone got a Vicodin or three?

Velo News Article

Don't mess with him, they all know Karate!

I can't really describe the person,,, Hell they all look alike!!

I think they were separated at birth!!!

Longinotti and crew bring down the house!!!

If you missed the 12/26 and 1/2 shows, that's too bad because you missed two epic sets. Well it must be your lucky day - Guitar Legend Dave Long and Naughty will be rockin' again at the Bistro in H-town.

For complete details, click HERE. Sorry, can't guarantee go-go dancers this time. But maybe someone will be playing the cowbell. We've got plenty of guys on the team that could fit the bill...

Bow down before the one you serve...

Yes, I know, you're not worthy.

Not many are...

Resistance is futile...

You cannot snatch the pebble from my hand...

You're on double secret probation...

Sit Ubu, sit. Good dog.

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Alrighty, who's in?

Think of the team possibilities...

Isaias & Mo

Nick & Candice Olson

Frankie & any woman with a pulse

Jeff & his Power Tap

Lloyd & his flavor of the month - yeah baby!

Seery & well, um, err, uh...

Gumby & Pokey

Two founders of powerhouse bike clubs that have never met?

Click here for eligibility requirements.

"Wait a minute, you know black and white would just capture the moment so nicely…"

* Sixteen Candles

Are you really that important?

Besides, it sounds like you're talking in a cave or wind tunnel. And your stallmates don't have a mute button you know. Brrappp. Ffffffffff. Hey, what were those strange noises? No Cone of Silence here. And worst case scenario - phone droppage. Not even going to go there about cakes and biscuits.

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Happy Birthday!!!

To my shmoopy. Hope all your wishes and dreams come true.

(yes, it is a day early, but I'll be away from the computer much of the day tomorrow and wanted to make sure you got this otherwise I would be heartbroken, cough, cough, gag... get outta my way! Must get to the bathroom quickly!)

Tonight's Fortune...

Look towards the future,

but not so far

as to miss today

Don't forget to put "between the sheets" at the end. Otherwise it would be waaaaay too shmoopy.

Wanted: Schmack Talk Replacement

Seeing that the King of Schmack is sittin' back on his suh-weet easy chair, TWW is on the lookout for a new schmack talk chumpion. Qualifications should include: excellent verbal and written skills; thick skin to deal with the competition; non-discriminatory schmack delivery (meaning no one should be exempt from the schmack); and it wouldn't hurt to be easy on the eyes (since Keith really wasn't - although the grey hair gives him a more distinguished look - kinda like Bob Barker).

TWW is an unequal opportunity employer.

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Serious Controversy on MTBR

Seems as though there is a firestorm brewing over our ride at SDF on MTBR. Apparently some people who weren't on the ride are skeptical over Scott's 7'-8' drop onto a flat landing. They claim they know that log, but that isn't the log they're thinking they're thinking I think.

I was able to capture this photo to help verify the height. Hopefully that ends the controversy before any blood is shed. And I thought Manute Bol was retired... go figure.

More Separated at Birth?

This is an old photo of Nick... he has since turned into a fast, svelte, racing machine only to turn back into a slow, "big-boned", home remodeler. He ain't Jabba no mo', but he ain't no skinny, sloping shoulder roadie either.

The resemblance is uncanny... the skin tone, the stains... mmm, root beer good! (or is that gravy secretly disguised in the root beer jug?)

Monday, January 09, 2006

TWW Utilizing Jan Ullrich's Training Program

As some of you saw at the SDF ride, TWW is going "big" time and is in partnership with Jan Ullrich and T-Mobile. Select members on TWW will utilize Jan's exclusive training program including his famous recovery drinks as pictured here. Some have actually gotten a head start on the program and have already made significant gains.

"I yam veddy prowd to have TWW using my excloosive program. You wid not be disappoint." - Jan Ullrich (or reasonable facsimile thereof)

Police Officer Killed in East Palo Alto

Another crap moment. I heard the news but it didn't click until a friend sent me an e-mail. I went to school with this guy from like 3rd grade through high school. Haven't seen him since high school but still sucks, particularly because he leaves kids behind. Freakin' gang banger. Muther effin loser, hope you rot.

Story in the Mercury News

KGO News

San Luis Obispo News Article

A trust fund has been set up if you're so inclined.

Take the time to appreciate what you've got...

Sunday, January 08, 2006

Too late, too late, too late, too late, too late*

Not sure why I'm smiling. I knew I should've used the Diablo Canyon Nuclear Power Plant methodolgy for estimating how long a project will take. In this case, it would be how long the ride would take. Here is how they do it (and how I will do it in the future unless something drastically changes):

Estimate how long the project will take.
Multiply times 2.
Total equals the amount of time needed.

Finish in less than the time needed then you're golden! Of course, it is tough to account for the Mo factor, the Schlachter factor, and the Jeffery factor... Might have to multiply times 4...

* Journey, Too Late (heavy lyrics man)

Highlights from SDF Ride (1/8)

The SDF ride was great - big turnout - thanks Mo for putting it together. I was disappointed that one of the Secret Bellas wasn't you know who, because I took a lot of time putting my flair together. Oh well.

Here are some quick highlights:

Best Quote - "I'm so old I don't even buy green bananas since I may not get a chance to eat them." - Ken Jeffery

- 2nd place - "You're Photo John? Do you remember me? You took that picture of me at Sea Otter. - Mo

Best Nickname - Chris "Credit Card" Machon. Meaning = the only thing you could slip under his tires during a jump.

Best Moment - again, Chris was involved. We were climbing the steep, technical climb. Some made it, most didn't. Chris was looking good. I pulled over, cheered him on, and then proceeded to push him over and say, "Awwww, too bad. You were looking good too." The only bummer about was that Frankie wasn't ready with his camera to capture that Kodak moment. Yes, it was cold... but if you can't have some fun...

Best Big Air - Scott Schlachter dropping off the big log. Nicely done!

- 2nd place - goes to John Hillstrom for airing that jump while following the DH guys. Probably unintentional but still nice nonetheless.

And lastly, not having to ride up to the top again and down to Nisene. Hopefully the folks that did are home by now.

Good times. Hopefully photos will follow since there were a few cameras out there (including Photo John).

Saturday, January 07, 2006

Cross Training

2 hours, high intensity, jam packed with competitors, skill contests, and chewing on bad food. One of those old school races where MTBers did all the disciplines? (i.e. XC, DH, OT, etc.). Nope. TWW Olympics? Nope. Try a Chuck E. Cheese birthday party. Man, I'm spent. Hope I can recover enough for tomorrow's ride. It was as loud as a freakin' rock concert there.

One side note - I did see Julie Haener of KTVU there (at least I think so) - she looked pretty darn good. Oh my. Better looking than what I remembered on TV. Sorry, being a pig again.

Mullets and Cyclocross

Sorry Gin, but I'm gonna open up a can o'whoopass on your "Remember When". How long have I been racing? A damned long time! I believe this photo was taken at a Surf City cyclocross in either '87 or '88. OK, let's start at the top:
1. I'm sure the helmet will look familiar to Mike G. only mine is in spiffy Hi-Vis yellow.
2. I get a pass on the haircut..remember, it was 1980'something.
3. T-shirt is an official Santa Cruz Sentinal triathlon shirt, thus outing me as a former tri-geek. (note the dirt smudge from the digger I took on the first lap)
4. Shorts say Miyata on them although I didn't own a Miyata, they just happened to be the only ones the LBS had on sale that would fit me.
5. Forget the computer, a sports watch was all I needed then. Besides, computers were for ROADIES!
6. Gloves: standard issue cotton gardening gloves from OSH.
7. That thing between my legs in an '87 Diamond Back Ascent. No V brakes and no suspension for those nut-rattling descents.
8. Shoes are Reebok running shoes, a staple in every cool dude's wardrobe at the time.

Top that people!!

Check out those bikes!!!

Another way back moment - when ProFlex bikes were actually somewhat accepted in the industry. The marketing guys should have known better though than to include the word "flex" in the name of their bikes. Not good.

Oh yeah, and a cheap way to tie Jessica Simpson as Daisy Dukes in her Daisy Dukes into a "bike related" post.


Enos, we gonna get them Duke boys, cuh, cuh, cuh, cuh...

You ever wonder why... say "ouch" when you anticipate something will hurt but you end up not feeling the pain?

That's weird, wacky stuff.

Time for Some Sleep...zzz...zzz

Who said blogging was bad for you? Well, I'm going to have to agree. Staying up waaaaaaaaay too late every night doing this crap. But I must continue on for my adoring fan.

So off to dreamland I go, thinking of more schtuff to include in this blog. And how I can make someone laugh, be pi$$ed* off, and regurgitate all in the same post. It's not as easy as you think, although it helps to be a bit, should we say, obsessive? Oh wait, use positive words to help reduce future scarring. It helps to be a bit tenacious, yeah, that's it.

Good night now.

* Work friendly profanity

Friday, January 06, 2006

Great Comic Strip

May the Farce be with you...

Mother Goose and Grimm

Nottie of the Month

Some things are very disturbing - sometimes so disturbing that it makes your stomach turn and you can't get the visual out of your head for quite some time (i.e. Joe Theismann's leg snapping in two, this image, Ishtar).

Please, please, please, if you have a weak stomach or there are small children in the room, do not view the image below. You have been warned.


******* You're getting closer *******

******* You can still turn back now *******

Too late. You were warned. I take no responsibility for anything that happens as a result of viewing this image.

My eyes!!! My eyes!!! They won't stop burning!!!

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Remember When...

1. Anodized purple was freakin' cool? (although I never owned any parts that color - not even the blue)
2. Bikes didn't have index shifting?
3. Long travel was 2 inches?
4. There was a rider weight restriction on parts?
5. Bar ends were in?
6. The first clipless MTB pedal was invented?
7. The Phil Anderson race where the guy broke his finger when he tried to catch the 5lbs. can of Cytomax that got thrown out at the raffle?
8. The tension disc wheel was the envy of all? Jeez, those things sounded like a Mack truck was about to run you down.
9. There was no such thing as a hydration pack?
10. Biopace?!!!
11. I used to be one of the fastest guys on TWW?

I imagine some of you young bucks have no idea what I'm talking about. Too bad - that was a cool time.

I may not have as much time on my hands as...

... Gin ...but I'm sure as hell gonna maximize my time when I do have some to kill.

One of my favorite movies... starring one of my favorite Hollywood couples.

SDF Ride this Sunday, Sunday, Sunday

MO-fo is leading a ride in SDF this Sunday (1/8). Should be load's o' fun. Some folks will ride the grinder out of Nisene, while other wusses will ride from Highland. Either way you go will be a good time. Be prepared to run the schmack and ride some suh-weet singletrack.

Of interest, MO sent the invite to the Velo Bella and Team Wrong Way lists. Here are how the invites open:

Velo Bella list: Please join a Bella-licious ride this Sunday...

TWW list: What's up, beeatches. Time to put your tires where your mouth is and ride, goddamnit.

Gotta love her!!! Hope to see y'all there!

Continuing the Love...

The Love Calculator

Okay, now that the four people who read this blog have thrown up on themselves, this will be the last "love" post.

Love is in the Air...

To my shmookums. You're so amazing. Keep putting a smile on my face. With warmth and sensitivity, Mike.

My love,
There’s only you in my life
The only thing that’s bright

My first love,
You’re every breath that I take
You’re every step I make

And i
I want to share
All my love with you
No one else will do...

And your eyes
Your eyes, your eyes
They tell me how much you care
Ooh yes, you will always be
My endless love

Alrighty then. Where did that come from? I think I am feeling ill. Good thing I can just look down a post and that helps to re-align the planets (among other things).

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Hottie of the Month

In an effort to offend the 2-3 women who actually look at this blog, here is this lovely post. Vegas showgirl? Wrestling diva? Just some gratuitous photo of a scantily clad chick? Believe it or not, she is an elite cyclist. Suh-weet mother of pearl! That's a lot of plush.

Stay tuned for next month's post - we'll maybe even find a guy to include here (some of my photos have already been posted, so we'll make sure to try to find someone else for variety).

Rochelle Gilmore's Official Website

Cutting edge journalism at its finest fo' sho'.

Training Tip o' the Month

Feeling a bit sluggish during those indoor training sessions? Can't seem to turn the pedals as fast as you'd like? Try this new, exciting, and innovative tip - inflate your tires from 50psi to 140psi - this will make a huge difference in your training. Jeez, I felt like quitting I was feeling so pathetic on the rollers...

Sunday, January 01, 2006

Quote of the Year on the first day?

"There is a pretty high dork factor here."

- Matt's wife commenting on all the roadies at the San Bruno Hill Climb

It is early, but this is an instant classic. Probably too early though, as we can always count on Mo to come up with a good one.